🎁 My Photographer’s Gift to Team Spam 🎁
To All the wonderful human beings and AI Bots (have you yet to hear of Skynet!) who love to send your thoughtful (yet unwanted messages).
Who is my gift for?
For the SEO Guru Extraordinaire, who promises they can make my website “rank #1 on Google,” but has never engaged with my content or even knows what I do. (I know I don’t rank for “Why does a fish finger sandwich give me gas?” Maybe I will; now this keyword phrase is in my blog 🤔
The Website developer who tells me my lovingly crafted website is crying out for a redesign or has errors. Yes, my website might not have all the bells and whistles of a Silicon Valley startup, but guess what? It works just fine.
Plus, you’re upsetting my trusted web designer. He’s a great person, and it’s just not nice to upset people, is it?
Clipping Path Wizards, photo Retouch Masters, and Post-Production Perfectionists. The gurus who promise to cut out my images, colour grade, edit faster and create the perfect portfolio better than I could.
The non-UK solicitors and bankers who send me heart-wrenching tales of woe who need to transfer an eye-wateringly large sum of money. While I’d love to assist, I fear my account simply can’t take the strain of one more miraculous transaction.
The Reputation and 5-star review consultants. Who promise to fill my Trustpilot and Google reviews with quality testimonials. While I totally agree it’s special to have fantastic client feedback, I prefer to do it the old-fashioned way and provide a high-quality service with real clients who leave genuine feedback – without having to pay them to do it.
Thank you.
First of all, thank you to all the SEO saviours, website whisperers, foreign bankers and editing experts for thinking of me. I appreciate your efforts, but let me save you some time and energy—I’m sorry I can’t help and don’t need your services or attention 🙏🏽
So, as much as I wouldn’t want to upset you, I want you to know I already have my trusted suppliers, and we’re not breaking up anytime soon. .
So, instead of spending your precious minutes trying to connect with someone who won’t reply (and will probably block you and mark you as spam), why not try something new?
Your gift.
Here’s my gift to you: the gift of time. ⏳
Use it wisely and try something different:
⭐ Call someone you care about.
Ask your mum how she’s doing, check in with an old friend, or just have a chat that doesn’t involve the words “conversion rates.” or “retouching.”
⭐ Go outside and get some Vitamin D.
Seriously, sunlight and fresh air are great for your health. They might inspire you to stop cold emailing strangers. 😎
⭐ Combine the 2 points above
Meet up in the real world for some quality human interaction over some lunch or a drink (obviously, the AI Bots will struggle with this one, but I’m pretty sure you could go for a drink in the Matrix 🤷🏽♂️)
⭐ Watch that Netflix series.
Yes, that one you’ve had bookmarked forever. It’s not going to watch itself.
⭐ Have a snack.
In the UK, we have a saying: Have a break, have a Kit Kat. Nothing beats chocolate when yet another potential client has just ghosted you. Oh, and if you’ve never heard the expression, you can always Google it.
I’m sure there will be lots of information on the first page of Google 😏
You're Welcome
Good luck with your hustle, and please enjoy your gift 🙏🏽 I’m permitting you to reclaim your precious and not wasted time 🙏🏽
You’ll thank me later for the time off and the productivity boost it will bring. 😉
You’re welcome! 🙌
And no invoice is necessary. 🙏🏽😉
